Maestro Please! The Holistic Approach

betrayal counseling guest author marriage true stories Oct 24, 2023

Have you ever heard an out of sync orchestra?  Or perhaps one with an overbearing brass section?  Maybe a wildly independent soloist out of tune but oblivious to how far off key the were?

These are some of the many challenges a conductor must face as he strives to make beautiful music from dozens of independent musicians.  When led well, the end result can be quite moving!  When done poorly, the end result can be nauseating.

Helping couples heal after infidelity has similar challenges.  When first contacted, I make it clear that the best results only come from a holistic approach that coordinates the efforts of him, her and them... as each addresses their unique challenges.

Some find this comforting while others are fearful of the personal accountability.

Recently, a betrayed woman shared her perspective on the power of a holistic approach to marriage recovery.  Read her story below.


Maestro Please

My experience using the holistic approach to marriage recovery has been vital to my growth and healing individually and in our marriage system. Let me explain.

I liken this holistic approach of marriage recovery as to a conductor with an orchestra. Most of us understand that an orchestra needs a conductor. The conductor chooses the musical selections to be performed and he/she lays out expectations of each instrument and section. Musical selections are chosen knowing the ability of the orchestra but also to create a challenge for them. The notes need to be read, time signature and key need to be understood.

The musical piece doesn’t usually sound perfect at the first practice or second practice even if the musicians are capable. Individual work is needed by each instrumentalist and at times sectional practices are needed. The conductor leads these work sessions and can hear and attune to what instrument(s) need to be encouraged or challenged. The conductor is the one that guides the orchestra to the best of their ability individually and as a whole. Everyone needs to be in sync.

A soloist is often highlighted in a musical selection. It creates interest. The orchestra and soloist both need rhythm and dynamics. Everyone needs to be synchronized. They have different notes, and rhythms but all aligning at the exact moment called for. Rhythm relates to note value and tempo. Dynamics refer to the color and volume and make the notes on the page come alive and move the audience.

All eyes from the orchestra look to the conductor’s hands and body movements as he directs them. Which instrument needs to be drawn out? Which instrument or section needs to play more softly? The conductor is the one who has the vision, understanding of musicality and intonation to hear the whole orchestra as well as the soloist.

The conductor who is proficient at this art of teaching is called a maestro. The result of following the maestro leads to a well-done, awe-inspiring performance.


I Was Broken

I was broken, betrayed, and feeling very much like the victim when I walked into Jeremy’s office. He explained how there were three clients-Him, Her, and Them. Each of those clients needed to work on
specific tasks and the timing of these tasks were attuned to each of our needs and correct timing.

I needed a director, a conductor (if you will) to direct the maladaptive behaviors of me, my spouse, and our marriage system. I needed someone who heard all the angles of the story. He heard my story, my spouse’s story, and our system’s story. No extra confusion. We needed someone proficient in his art, a maestro, to help guide each of us individually and as a couple.

If we each had sought other separate therapists, we would not have the ability to be at the place of growth and healing that we are today. We rely on Jeremy to help us navigate this orchestration of individual growth and marriage recovery.

While our marriage isn’t perfect and never will be…we are healing individually and as a couple. My story and recovery are different than yours. It will be in a different time signature, key, and tempo. The dynamics are unique to me and my spouse. And God is making our brokenness beautiful again.

The best advice given to me was to seek a therapist that was proficient. You definitely need to have a maestro!


- Anonymous Betrayed Woman



If you are interested in experiencing "real change" and a "life of flourishing" as this guest author has, click below to learn more about the comprehensive, collaborative & coordinated approach she used.




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