The following is a letter written BY a betrayed woman TO betrayed women after discovering their spouse's infidelity.

Sit With Me

Will you come and sit with me for a little while?

That might sound like an impossible request as the waves of rage and anguish flow through you. Fingernails digging into your palms, hands balled tightly in fists. Shoulders tense. Stomach in knots. Crying and cursing. Cursing and crying. Unabated anger at him or utter numbness. Devastation that your relationship is in shambles because of his addiction. 

When you’re ready, I’ll be here to sit with you. I hope when you look into my eyes you’ll see someone who believes you, someone who sees the deep hurt that is engulfing you in this moment. Someone who has space to witness the validity and importance of everything you’re experiencing right now. Someone who has so much hope for you.

Maybe it sounds absurd to start individual therapy or join a support group or do any deeper digging into your own life. Shouldn’t he deal with the problem since it’s his addiction?

Sit with me, friend, and when you’re ready- I can tell you pieces of my story. How my life began to be transformed once I started looking at the unhealthy ways I’ve been coping in my own life. How once I started to address my own junk, it allowed a chance for honesty, faithfulness, commitment, and trust to grow in my marriage. How 2 years in, I’m now able to show up as my whole authentic self in all areas of my life- as a wife, mom, friend, and employee.

This journey that you’re considering is not an easy one. It is one of the most painful things I’ve ever started, and it is the most beautiful, freedom-filled thing I continue to experience. 

I’m going to tell you something that someone told me as I started therapy. Once you’re ready to start this journey of healing, you’re going to uncover who you really are. And you’re going to like what you find. Maybe hearing that makes you roll your eyes right now. I get that- I’ve been there. I didn’t believe it then, and now I get to experience it.

Once you choose to make the incredibly courageous choice to do your own work, know that you're going to need real life people to sit with you. Look for the people who can be compassionate witnesses to your pain and gentle guides to provide you with the resources you need along the way. This might come in the form of a support group and a therapist like it did for me.

As we part ways today, I am holding onto so much hope for you, dear one. Real change is possible. A life of flourishing and freedom can be yours. 

Love,

A friend who has been where you are

If you are interested in experiencing "real change" and a "life of flourishing" as this guest author has, click below to learn more about the comprehensive, collaborative & coordinated approach she used.

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