In the spring of 2024, Dr. Juli Slattery interviewed me about "How to Know if Your Marriage Can Recover From Betrayal."  She released the interview on her podcast Java with Juli, an extension of her ministry Authentic Intimacy. During the interview, we discussed a variety of topics, but focus...

  Spiritual growth is a process that takes time, effort, and coaching. One philosopher, Ken Wilber, described the process in four distinct stages. I like his model as it parallels the MRC concept of the Three Orders of Change and aligns nicely with Peter Scazzero's principle that “It is impossi...

  Change is not easy, especially when dealing with internal issues.  Most people try the "stop it" method parodied by Bob Newhart, but even if the behavior ends, it does not mean a person is healthy.  True health requires getting to the roots far below the surface, changing not just behavior, b...

Navigating recovery involves a tension between time, cost, scope and quality summarized by the project management triangle above.   While all four variables can limit the degree of final health and healing, one in particular has the power to destroy a marriage after betrayal, addiction and infid...

In Matthew 13, Jesus told a parable about a sower casting seed.  While it describes how people respond to truth, there are striking parallels to how men and women respond to the work of recovery from addiction and betrayal. Recently, my son and I explored the math of the four soils described and...

  After betrayal, not all couples survive.  Fifteen years of professional counseling experience has revealed the number one reason that marriages end in divorce: Refusal to work on one's own issues.   Steve & Lynette (pseudonyms) are perfect examples.  Lynette contacted me shortly after disco...

  "I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now… Come further up, come further in!" - Jewel the Unicorn, The Last Battle   In CS Lewis’ final book of the Narnia series, many of the belo...

  Recently, my 8 year old told me he knew everything there was to know about math.  I just smiled and nodded.  How do you convince a kid otherwise?  He was experiencing the cognitive bias known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect, where a little knowledge causes a person to over-estimate their knowle...

  In last week's post, I tweaked a famous Morpheus quote for use in recovery... Have you ever had an experience that you were so sure was "recovery"?What if you were unable to see all that you were missing?How would you know the difference between a half-baked recovery and a full one?   By us...

  Do you prefer brownies crispy or gooey?  How about egg casseroles... firm or half-baked?  While slightly under-cooked brownies can be scrumptious, under-cooked casseroles can be a serious health hazard! What about your recovery?  Do you want a fully baked recovery or a half-baked recovery? I...