Unexpected Benefits of Hybrid Therapy

In last week's post, I explained the risk of closed feedback loops in all supportive relationships, but focused specifically on the therapy context.

While not all couples are open to the idea, seeing the same counselor for both individual and systems work has significant benefits, so long as the single professional is qualified to assist the divergent needs of all three clients, the betrayed, the addict and the marriage system.

Seth and Amy (pseudonyms) are one of the many couples who are not just open to the idea, but actually embrace it.  Along the way, they experienced some unexpected benefits. 

Now on the other side of recovery, they also have some unique perspectives to share about the process they went through versus what they see in others.  Read their story below.

Amy:

When the time came for me to seek out counseling from the betrayal trauma I was experiencing, I was encouraged by another counselor that we should do joint counseling. Where both me and my husband saw the same person, instead of solo or different counselors. To me sounded like an easy one-and-done solution. We could share our pain, our stories, and our perspectives all with one person, and that one person can hear both of our narratives and understand both sides of our pain to help us heal as individuals and as a married couple. It was clear to us that this system of a shared counselor was what we needed for ourselves and our marriage to heal, as it was also our marriage that was broken.

The benefits we experienced when we both saw the same counselor were ten-fold better than we expected or thought would be possible. Such as, one counselor listening to both sides of our stories and hearing our pain and the thoughts of the other spouse. We trusted the same counselor to hear both our stories/sides, not just one-sided biases compared to seeing two counselors. Whereas a one-counselor process would know what areas we each would need to explore more to gain back trust and heal from the trauma.

My personal experience has led me to believe that having one counselor is the best approach, as you have one goal, one method, one approach, and one guide to help both you and your spouse toward recovery. Whereas, with two separate counselors, you would have two methods and two goals that sometimes don’t agree, and the time to schedule both counselors for a collaboration meeting can be hard to manage. This process of having one counselor helped us heal faster, heal deeper wounds, and create a new marriage for longer sustainability for future issues that may arise.

Seth:

As my recovery from addiction began, I knew it was important to meet regularly with a counselor, something I had never done before. I was willing to do so and experienced immediate benefits, personally and in my marriage…or so I thought (more on that in a minute). As it turned out, my wife was seeing the same counselor, and I thought that was a massive win because our counselor would be hearing both our stories and able to address certain things with one spouse based on what he’d heard from the other spouse. Little did I know that’s not exactly how it works. So, when the idea of joint counseling was introduced by both my counselor and my wife, honestly, I was skeptical and resistant. I remember my first thought being, “Certainly we’re not at such a dire stage in our marriage that we need couple’s therapy. Things seem to be going fine.” But my skepticism was misplaced.

In our very first session in this Marriage Recovery Course, my eyes were opened to so much more of the truth, not only about how my wife was actually doing but the dangerous state of our marriage. Not to mention how I was feeling…I mean, really feeling. There was an element of depth that had been missing when I was having 1-1 sessions with my counselor, and it was in the MRC joint sessions with my wife that we were able to get to much deeper depths of learning, understanding, and ultimately growth. And my wife and I have benefited so much ever since. To this day, we still apply so much of what we learned from these joint sessions with our counselor, and there’s a strong sense of unity in our marriage.

This approach utilized by MRC is one that I highly recommend, and I’m utterly thankful that my wife was so willing to take that risk with me. Yes, that’s because it’s worked wonders for her, for our marriage, and for me. But that’s also because I’ve seen the devastation that can, and oftentimes, does happen to married couples who choose against joint counseling with one counselor.

You see, as part of my recovery, I’ve chosen to give back by helping other men who are recovering from addiction (my wife has done the same by helping other women heal from betrayal). Even when guys are on the up-and-up in their recovery and taking all the necessary steps, having a different counselor than their spouse, and therefore not sharing a counselor, has proven to be the undoing of their marriages. I’ve heard so many stories like this, not to mention stories of what happens when a spouse doesn’t go to a counselor at all. Both parties need healing and recovery, not just one. And if you’re truly in this together, and you want a marriage that can flourish, you must be on the same page through it all. In that regard, it makes all the more sense to trust in the process of MRC joint counseling.

Highlights: 

1. Seth identified "an element of depth that had been missing from [his] 1:1 sessions" only after engaging in joint sessions.
2. Seth also noticed that even though men are doing well in their recovery, that "having a different counselor than their spouse... has proven to be the undoing of their marriage."
3. Amy identified the MRC approach as helping them "heal faster, heal deeper wounds, and create a new marriage for longer sustainability."
4. Amy also described the results of hybrid therapy as "ten-fold better than they expected or thought possible."

It's rare to find a professional qualified to balance the divergent needs of all three clients.  That's why MRC was created, to offer you the same holistic, comprehensive and transformative experience Seth and Amy had in their hybrid counseling. 

By enrolling in MRC, you get lifetime access to 40+ hours of professional instruction on how to create an integrated, hybrid and balanced approach to recovery from betrayal and addiction.

If that's the quality of care your marriage deserves, click below to learn more:

Marriage Recovery Course

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• Feedback Loops Can Ruin A Marriage
• Maestro Please! The Holistic Approach
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• "Traumatized By Counselors & Pastors"